Friday, April 1, 2011

Paunchy Poetry


In honor of my growing gym devotion and new knowledge of healthy carbs, I decided to express my thoughts in poetry.


Elliptical Haiku
Little man lit up
Cardio run spray it down
Smells like an old sack

Gymric - Limerick
There once was an oversized dame
Who thought working out was quite lame
She knew she was lazy
Changed and ignored the crazies
And now she is not quite the same

Ode to a Sports Bra
Thou dedicated booby-holder,
h
ow I relish your support.
Unlike any other molder,
y
ou make my buxom bosom quite a fort.
Though my maidens can be restless,
t
here is no denying thee.
And my uni-boob is priceless,
f
or it averts a saggy me.
Alas, your fabric could be sweeter
w
hen I wrangle you over head,
But my teats no longer teeter
and
my fun bags don't fall like lead.
With a far over-reaching passion,
my ta-tas turn up towards the sky;
You will always be in fashion,
frontage appreciates an admiring eye.
Dedicated and devoted,
such worth cannot be praised enough.
Otherwise bosoms would be toted
around the bottom with other stuff.

Carb Awakening
Bread
Starchy, sugar-inducing sustenance
Doughy-larder; digestible-vitality
Complex, energetic nutrition
Grain






12 comments:

Kristen M said...

Hahahahahah ABSOLUTELY LOVE IT!!!!

Anonymous said...

Weird weird obsession with lycra and sport's clothing. You realize sport's bras have been around for 30 years now, right?

Anonymous said...

You are a scream. That was hysterical! Anonymous, you gotta lighten up.

tigerblood said...

Not feeling it today...though it got me to think about boobs a little extra in the morning...

Anonymous said...

Yes, because you describing your boobies with twelve different cute euphemisms really convinces us you are serious about weight loss.

Mandy said...

Hahahaha! WTF anonymous people you all suck lighten up! Weird weird obsession with posting negative comments. You do know you can stop reading this blog if it bothers you, right? Melissa is not obligated to "convince" anyone about anything!
Missy you are truly crazy and I love it!

tigerblood said...

on second thought...i like this entry...I give it a double "D" ;)

Beth D said...

Hilarious. I can so see you reciting in sing-song fashion. And to be REALLY serious here. I'm sick to death of anonymous. Go spread your negativity and misery somewhere else. You are no longer welcome here.

Anonymous said...

Beth D - you don't get to decide who reads or posts. But, I can hardly wait for another blog entry about lycra and sweating and boobies. I mean, 9 or 10 entries on these topics just isn't enough.

MFS said...

Loved the poems and your humor! Sometimes we all just need to lighten up!

Gina M. said...

Missy, that was hysterical!! I'll never look at a sports bra the same way again. I love reading this blog. You crack me up

formerlyknownastigerblood said...

boobies rule